He was just calling to make sure that I am ready for Monday and to discuss me changing my mind from my lap band to the bypass. I gave him my reasons which he all said were good reasons. But he wanted to let me know that there were bigger risks and talked about death. But that no matter what surgery I had he believed that I was making the right choice.I knew he was just doing his job informing me, but something snapped and I went to the background and cried for an hour.
I almost called him back and cancelled. The fear of the surgery has been overshadowing everything else for the last few days. I am so scared of death, I have been since I was a little girl. But now that I am a mother and have two beautful kids that need me I'm even more scared. But this is a pretty common surgery these days. And both my surgeons are wonderful, in this Bariatric Center for bypass both partners are in on the surgery. Dr Swannack is also a vascular surgeon so I feel that I am in good hands. And he also let me know that he only works with the anesthesiologists that are use to taking care of people my size. 
Some of my friends haven't helped with the panic, telling me they are scared for me. That they had a dream about me and woke up crying. NOT the words of encouragement that someone needs to hear 5 days before major surgery.
I have to believe that I am going to be okay. I know there are no guarantees and it's okay to be scared. I heard that this brings life changes so I am started by removing the naysayers and their opinions. Is this going to be hard, you bet your ass it is. But I am ready to be healthier. They'll just have to give me an extra shot of the "I don't give a damn juice" before they take me in...lol 
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